Blocked

I can't write. Avoidance is what it's called. Thinking too much. Too much is swirling in my brain to process. Rebirth. My mother said I was going through a rebirth. No truer statement has been said in weeks. I feel like an idiot. Constantly. Oh hmm. dear god i'm narcissistic.

narcissistic: Psychoanalysis. erotic gratification derived from admiration of one's own physical or mental attributes, being a normal condition at the infantile level of personality development.

No it's not erotic. I know erotic and this is not erotic. Let's see admiration of one's own physical attributes - oh hell no. Although I will say that the peanut and pepsi diet is working well for me, although not so good for my digestive system. The for the mental attributes - neurotic, gray, pissy. Definitely not something I'm admiring about myself.

Whew. Thank God I'm not narcissistic.

So what is it? Avoidance.

avoidance: the act of avoiding or keeping away from

That's definitely it. I'm keeping away from. ok let's define from.

from: used to specify a starting point in an expression of limits; used to express removal, or separation as in space, time or order; used to express discrimination or distinction.

Well now none of those seem to fit. Let's see if we put them together.

avoidance from an expression of limits... hmmm?

avoidance from removal or separation ... hmmm?

avoidance from discrimination or distinction ... hmmm?

Maybe there is something to this word usage thing. I forget sometimes that deep in the recesses of my mind I actually have a vocabulary. I choose words for reasons. When I write I can't avoid.

But I can avoid telling the world about it. Let me just torture myself a little.