a morning walk

walking in the morning i can't help but allow my mind to wander. but it wanders too far into paths that i shouldn't be ruminating on. or the word, "shouldn't" is a bit much. Perhaps it's that my mind would be better, healthier to wander down different paths. ones with peace. ones where i rely upon God for the direction vs that of my own lust or fear. funny to think that these can be my two main motivators. but it is the truth, however that might be. 

i found myself searching for God wondering where he could be in the midst of my morning walk. but then i remembered - where was i in the midst of my morning walk? 

i started a rosary. a repetition of prayers that enter you into a meditative state focused on the divine. with the words of the prayers falling in your head it's less likely you'll wander some ancient dark path i've walked a thousand times. 

our father who art in heaven, hallow be thy name ....

the steadfastness of this prayer is a comfort. the moment in church when we all say it together, our voices blended so one can not detect one voice over the other. or perhaps it's more that each of our voices has blended to a mighty chorus where we all are in this together.

it's a peaceful moment for me. one i often think of simply listening to but when i stop praying the words myself i wander off into the observation vs allowing myself to be a part of these that walk the path of life with me. i weave back into place allowing my soul to rest for just a moment in that safety of community. 

the solid bass notes of men 50 years my senior speaking the same deliberate words. the frailty of female voices somehow lowered an octave to match the majority. it is truly fascinating how that works. 

so these are the thoughts that come to me on a morning walk. it's followed by a few Hail Mary's, prayers my denomination doesn't pray as a group. i wonder what that will feel like. praying to a woman, another stepping stop closer to God. 

hail mary, full of grace, the lord is with thee, blessed art thou amoung woman and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, jesus. pray for us sinners now and in the hour of our death. 

i repeat these mantra, ruminations on the divine and slowly my mind comes back to focus. slowly, a hymn enters. 

what does the lord require of you? ..... peace and justice, mercy. 

i don't know these words but i know the melody so i hum it to myself. or in my head, my vocal chords never move. it strikes me that a hymn would be the thing that popped into my head. well, let's be honest, the first thing was ... 

never mind, i find someone like you 

ah adele. why sing a song to no one that has ended a love affair. but it's easy for my brain to weave tales of  love and fantasy while i ignore the love that does exist. the love of my Father and the community in which I belong. 

i belong. 

so as i take my walk i will allow an old hymn to penetrate my thoughts and guide me to a center place, just as it has for millions before me and millions after me.