Perspective

Definitions:
1. the state of one's ideas, the facts known to one, etc., in having a meaningful interrelationship.
2. a way of regarding situations, facts, etc., and judging their relative importance

I have no way of writing on this without seeming narcissistic but what is one supposed to do. A blog by definition is a little ... mmm ... retrospective? So enough with the editing of myself.

Perspective is fascinating to me. We each have a unique one. Rarely do two people share the same one. Most interesting to me is when one's perspective of me collides with the perspective of myself. I always wonder which one is correct. I always wonder how there can be a difference.

As we all know, our family is getting a lot of attention right now. Not really me but us in general. A friend told me that I enjoy attention in general more than I'd like to admit to myself or others. And this took me down the rabbit hole as comments like this tend to. Now keep in mind, this person knows me fairly well.

The honest to God truth is that I don't seek public attention. I don't like to ever be up in front of a crowd of people fawning over me. I don't like awards and accolades. I would much rather be in the background. I would much rather allow someone else to shine. I would much rather someone give me praise and attention on a one-on-one basis.

It is illogical. I write this blog and our family blog, pouring myself out, exposing my emotions and myself to strangers. But in a way it is one-on-one. I'm not sitting in front of my computer with a dozen eyes on me, watching me do this, giving me feedback and praise (or criticism) while I write. It's private. The feedback is private. The attention is private.

So then how could our perspectives be so different. Why is there that split? It makes me feel as understanding someone is the most difficult thing in the entire planet. I think if I could have a gift, I'd have the gift of knowing everyone's perspective of me. (here's the narcissism) I think it would make me feel safe. Because then I would know or is there some other magic way that you learn someone's perspective of you? I know that seems like a stupid question but well, I don't know the answer.

I'm tired and going to sleep.