Maybe I was wrong ....

Maybe I do need more acknowledgment of my contributions than I imagined.

Maybe I am an attention seeking monster.

Maybe it really, in the end, is all about me.

Maybe I am telling myself that I'm altruistic.

Maybe I'm lying that I don't need external validation.

Maybe I'm just trying to tell myself that so I feel better.

Maybe I really do want the spotlight.

Maybe I do want to be the center of the known universe.

Maybe it is all about me because it rarely is.

Sigh.

Maybe I don't know what to do.

But maybe, just maybe, I do.



I'm a believer in the coin toss. I tell people all the time (and I tell myself) that we all know what the decision is, the path is, the choice is. We know it as surely as we know that the sun will rise tomorrow. The difficulty is stopping long enough to listen to the voice that speaks in the split second that it takes you to toss a coin.

I'm not listening right now. White noise plays in my head. Static and opinions flood me. I've grown confused because the static grows louder.

Maybe I can turn it down just long enough to figure it out.