Graceful Exits

Sadly, things come to an end. Today I have thought a lot about the difference between gracefully ending and tragically ending. Sometimes you are given a choice, sometimes you are not. Indeed it is the thinnest of lines.

I am slowly ... VERY slowly ... learning that indeed I am not in control of nothing. People like to think they are but in the end you can only control your reaction to what happens to you.

Yesterday I was told that I was being replaced. Was it expected? partially. Was it less painful because it was expected? no. Starting the afternoon I wanted to have a positive attitude although i was shaken. it was one more change that i didn't want. but quickly my attitude deteriorates.

i try to futilely hold on to not let this become a bad exit, a tragic ending. But then it goes. I am crying. I see the distress and pain on my friends faces. But I'm tired of keeping things in and pretending that I'm not hurt by the decision, that being replaced has not tapped a core flaw for me. I have to walk away because I couldn't get it back.  The ending no matter what I wanted was going to end badly. I eventually did but it reminded me of how thin the line is when something ends.

To end something gracefully is difficult. To hold on to your caring for the other people involved is by no means easy but so necessary. In the coming days I hope I can remember that.