Ok

Today was a day. My head was stretched in my places. My heart strained and worried yet resilient and hopeful. Days like today tire me.

Why is it that you always want to solve a problem? Someone you care about is hurting and you want to solve, provide advice, guide them. Yet in the end all they really want you to say is .... Everything will be ok.

Today people from my G-rated blog reacted to my post on the elephant in the room - my divorce. Most of the people there don't read here. Most of the people that read there don't "know" me. They think they do, but not really. It's my life as a mom and life as mom is challenging (oh GOD yes!) but in the end it's a happy life, not full of the introspective crap that spews from my brain here. Some of the reaction was quite profound, but for the most part I wish more people would have simply said, "everything is going to be ok."

I signed the lease for my apartment today. It's official. I'm moving out. Oh God. Wow. Oh God. Wow. I talked to my husband (when do I start calling him my son's dad?) and expressed this oscillation between excitement and terror. It's real now. His response, "everything is going to be ok." He's learned over the years that when I'm freaking out all I REALLY want to hear is exactly that.

Yet again thought the ultimate teacher is my son. He reminds me that when we are hurting and in pain we don't want a solution. We'll find a solution. It's a given. We just want someone that we love to curl their arms around us, pat us on the head and say it's all going to be ok. I love you and you are safe with me. Everything is going to be ok.