Church

Let's talk about church. I don't want to say religion or God, because it's not that. It's church. I've been bothered, or maybe that's not quite the right word, overly pondering is probably better, church lately. I'm not a traditional person. I'm definitely not a traditional Christian. I believe in evolution and dare I say I'm pro-choice (not pro-abortion but pro-choice, and I don't want to derail the conversation into a political discussion).I believe and have felt God's grace. I've been blessed to have experienced this many times, way before I came to church.

Church has always been a different story. Church to me was always a place where people went to show how hypocritical they truly are. "We have to go to church in our Sunday best so everyone can see how much money we have and how much better our lives are than yours and ultimately to say see I'm perfect and so are my kids and we have nothing wrong nevermind that I'm miserable and get by with a couple of vicodin a day - we are perfect." So yeah that is what I thought of church. I thought it for a long time and then I found UP. 

UP was different. The contemporary service was untraditional. Very little, if any, of the "traditions" that have been done to make us feel like we are closer to God, were a part of this service. It was a straight worship with great music and a message that was refreshing and different. The people that ran the service (all students) actually wanted to do the service. They weren't sure if they always wanted to be preachers but they wanted a service that people could come to and could grow their relationship to God. Then something changed. 

That something is what I've been trying desperately to figure out. The nature of the service is evolution. With a student pastor it is a journey to see them day 1 to day 6 months later. And sometimes we are experimented on and it works or doesn't work. Lately I don't think it's been working. It started last fallish when we had a team that was more traditional in their approach. Two of the team had been lifelong methodists or at least they grew up in church and had always known God's grace. The other was less so but was so gentle by nature and I think tried to compromise too much. What has happened though is that we now have a service based upon the experience of those that have always been a part of the church. And I always believe the contemporary service is a way for those that have turned their backs on grace to come back around. To see that maybe, just maybe, church wasn't full of those vicodin popping church goers. 

But I feel like I'm the only one to see this change. To see the shift. And frankly, I'm tired of trying to express an unpopular opinion. The fact is that people are coming to our contemporary service but they don't stay. This tells me that it indeed is not contemporary and is not appealing to these less traditional church goers. It's traditional light with rock music. But no one sees this. And now we have a rotation of student pastors who are not interested in preaching or are not interested in hearing the views of the congregation. Frankly that annoys me. Less the student who is not interested in preaching because that is that person's path and they continue to participate in the service and bring an interesting educational element to it, plus the person is great with kids; but the other 3 just like think that they can show up, toy with the preaching concept and then move on. They aren't invested. This isn't their calling. They don't see it as a way to open the door to church again for those who have strayed for a long time. That's what I feel like. 

We had a meeting (and yes, we all hate meetings) but all the student pastors, except for the educational pastor ,didn't show up. Really? Was that not the biggest slap in the face? So you don't care about the service and how it's going? Really? And we are sitting here letting this happen. It annoys me because I'm tired of caring and I'm tired of the burden that I feel I have. And the frustrating part is I can't figure out how to communicate this message in a way that will get through to anyone. But I feel called to do that. I feel like God brought me to this church and finally had me get involved so I could stop hiding that maybe I was a Christian and then to show me that maybe the church family could be what it was meant to be and not some facade. 

So then what do I do? Indeed what do I do? I'm not feeling fulfilled by it. I'm stuck. And I feel compelled to do something. Something. But what without being seen as the constant naysayer? I don't know the answer to that so I continue to think about it.