Comfortably Numb

I'm introducing my kid to Pink Floyd. It's ironic as Jason is who introduced me to Floyd back in the early days of our relationship. I mean I knew who they were but not really, now I think I worship the Wall album. Talk about one of the best albums of all time. So after some Madonna shake your bootie and Britney fix (which BTW I have been debating as to whether or not I should teach Pandu the phrase, "it's Britney, bitch." but then I think better of it. Although well, I think the first phrase he is going to learn will be "it smells like a@@ in here!" Which i think is the FUNNIEST THING EVER!!!) ok, now back to the floyd. he actually likes it a lot but I'm listening to the words and wonder, am I being injected so I'm numb to the world? 

I often feel like someone somewhere said take this drug, it will make you numb, everything will fade away and you will be safe. What does that mean? ok wow, wait, I need to read that again.... that is probably the truest statement I've ever heard. (Anne, take note. :-) I didn't have the best of childhoods. I mean not torturously bad and now I have a very good and mostly healthy relationship with my family. But I was also raised by 3 adults who all had their issues and their own coping mechanisms to escape reality. Along the lines I think I too learn to numb myself. To numb the natural instincts that I have. I have numbed myself from experiencing most of the world in the way that I want to really experience it. I'm behind those glass blocks used to separate rooms. I would say that 10% of the world has gotten behind that wall. The other 90% well some of them don't even notice there is a wall it's so transparent. Others are comfortable with the wall because they are afraid of what's behind. 

I am starting to think about being Lalena again. What does that mean now? I don't want to go back into a professional life that doesn't fulfill me ,that leaves me bored or angry or upset. I don't want an unbalanced life where it's all about work and I have to give up my family to achieve that high level life. But what do I want? I want more of that wall gone. I don't want to be comfortably numb any more. that is so risky though. The 10% right now who I live inside the wall do grow exhausted of me some days. So dear lord what would it be like if there was more like 60-70% of the people in my life behind the wall. Would it suck? I don't know and I'm kinda freaked out about it. who is this Lalena going to be now? 

BTW - we finished the listening session with Depeche Mode. I didn't want him to think all great bands came out of the 70s.