I was recently reading some other blog (hell if I know which one, I read to many!). Anyhoodle. (Don't I sound clever when I say that?... yeah, I didn't think so either!)
They had an article that the BBC ran about friendship, entitled "What's the ideal number of friends?". The article said that most people have five very close friends, 10 more in a pretty close network, 35 more in a looser network, and then 100 on the outside that fall into the wee-bit-more-than-acquaintance category. Some people are so fixated on the correct number that they have a one in one out policy on their friendship. Imagine.
This got me thinking. Well, lots of things get me thinking these days. Anyhoodle. (...yeah, still not cool.) I don't have that many friends. I mean really. I categorize my friends a lot in my head. Maybe this is wrong. Maybe it's a remanent of a fractured childhood of needing to not show everything to everyone. But I continue to do this.
Once I said to one of my friends, "you are a have fun friend. she is a more serious friend." Now anyone that KNOWS me well I say messed up crap like this all the time. I have no value difference between "fun" or "serious" friends. It's simply a matter of what side of my personality that particular individual brings out in me. Most get are the serious friends, few are the fun friends.
I went on further about this in that I've never done acquaintances well. I'm a HIGH-maintenance friendship person. No I don't need all the other high-maintenance things, but friendship, you bet your a@@ I am high-maintenance. If I say you are my FRIEND, that means I would do just about anything for you. Listen to you moan and groan about your boyfriend/non-boyfriend for 2 years - sure thing. Pick you up from the airport at 1am - sure thing. Go yell and scream and make someone feel small for you - sure thing. Enclose you in my mama bear love - you better believe it. Loyal to a fault - you better believe it. Funny, entertaining, interesting, serious - you better believe it. But in return, well, you have to deal with my laundry list of insecurities and listen to my psycho babble every now and then. Needless to say, the list of friends is very small. Because well let's be honest, I'm a pain in my own a@@ half the time. So I don't blame people for not being able to handle friendship with me.
So back to the acquaintances. Some of them are very close acquaintances, shared some serious stuff with and I care for them a lot. Some of them are just whatever. I wonder if my inner circle is too small. Maybe I need to expand the circle more but then I will make the gesture for someone to get to know - well - me. And they disappoint me. So that's it. Sticking with the inner circle. Not risking any more.
The worst is when someone in the inner circle disappoints me. We are all human, all fallible. But I wish some times the inner circle would understand how tight the circle is and how much I really, really risked for them to know me and for me to love them so.
God I could so be a hermit. I mean really. I would live on the ocean somewhere, with Internet access, and I'd be happy. Written words are a less risky way to build these consequences. So yes, maybe I need to explore this hermit concept a little more. sigh!
Interesting you titled this Psychol Babble. I thought it was hilarious. Seriously, I can relate to alot of what you said. Too bad you live so far away, you would be a fun real life friend ;)
ReplyDeleteWe didn't have the response hearing test- Just the one they give infants and measure the hair movement in the inner ear- apparently her hairs weren't moving. I should have expected it. Maybe the school system will take care of that test for you when Pandu is ready for the version they give older children. It may be free- and we all know free is good :) How is school going for Pandu as of late?
Did Jennifer get back with you about the check? If Pandu was a Promise Child (I am thinking he was), then you can get reimbursed for both of your post placement visits up to $300 each visit. You just need your social worker to e-mail a receipt to Elana listing the date and cost of the visit. A week and a half later you get a check in the mail. I was reading the fine print on Nisha's paperwork and found that little nugget of information. I talked with Elana about it and I didn't sound like too many people know about it or follow through with asking for the check. However, my poor bucket needs the money so I pursued getting the check. WACAP did not do my homestudy either, just have your social worker send a receipt :) What could you do with $300 (or whatever your visit ended up costing)? My visit ended up being $300 for the paperwork and $125 for mileage, so I am just out the mileage fee :) YEah!
ReplyDelete