Knees Suck

I appreciate everyone's good wishes on Joey, either through here or other IRL avenues. He was precious and I was surprised but now, well, we all have to go to heaven sooner or later. It did make me appreciate my other kitty Cocoa more. He is quite a bit older - 12 years now so I hope he has a good number of years left. 

I have been pre-occupied with pain. Having a little boy full of energy who wants to run around and play constantly is a treat for sure but right now my knees wish he would just skip this phase and move straight into computer geek! I mean really people. Really? Me, the most non-athletic person in the world gets this active little child who is going to get nothing but "worse". Worse meaning active. I'm not going to discourage it but I'm wondering how I'm going to keep up. 

I have extensive degenerative damage to both knees due to arthritis, particularly in my right knee. This is the one where all the cartilage is gone and so now I am developing a bone spur. Lovely. Just lovely. The left is almost to the same point. So there I was 2 years ago being told by the orthopedic surgeon that my only hope was gastric bypass surgery because, well, I'm too young to have total knee replacement. Geez! 

So now I'm at the point with my right knee that I can't put weight on it without a lot of pain. I've been a major pain in the A@@!!! Not a little one either - huge. Because I'm in pain. I have to keep going on it because Pandu needs that physical play. Jason can only do so much when he gets home at 6 so then I need to do something, which just makes it worse. 

Today I went to my family doctor because I need help with pain management and it is going to be a week before I see the orthopedist again and yes I going to the gastric bypass one again. Anyhow, Dr. K was so kind, such the hippie. He is right in that no one is going to replace my knee before I turn 40. Even then I will need to show a concerted effort to have lost weight. So what am I suppose to do?

Simple answer - lose weight. Yeah right! I mean really. I have been big all of my life. All of my life. I have no idea how to do this and quite frankly, I don't want to. And I hear some of you - well then you gotta quit your bitchin'! Grumble. I honestly have no idea how to do that. How to be smaller. I mean no clue. but I can't be in pain like this for much longer. Jason will go crazy. Pandu will suffer. I will go crazy. 

I feel like Ron on the Biggest Loser. If anyone watches that show you know what I mean. If you don't well, Ron has been extremely overweight (400lbs, I believe) for close to 30 years. He is in his 50s and just now losing weight. It is normally a fairly "easy" thing to do on the Biggest Loser. But well, because of his injuries it is extremely difficult. Now mind you I'm not 400lbs, but I may as well be. 

Right now I feel sorry for myself. I'm in pain. Pissed off. And annoyed. f*** it!