Disappearing Acts

I'm good with them. I'm a runner. When I don't like something or life is not treating me the way I like. What do I do? I run. I disappear. I tell everyone to bite me and go away. I've did this so many times in my 20s, I have only a handful of people that have known me more than 5 years.

I thought I had finally escaped the urge to run but I haven't. So I took a trip to LA. I wasn't truly running. I knew I'd come back home. But it felt like running and I think the result was a mix. Overall, I enjoyed the time spent alone. I enjoyed soaking the energy of a creative environment. Ah to live in Toluca Lake. Sigh.

It is almost indescribable the differences. In LA everyone seems to pursuing a dream. An elusive, cut throat dream in Hollywood. But dreams never the less that are built on creativity and expression. Denver is not that place. People come to Denver to settle. To live the rest of their lives. To dream yes but those dreams are around family and things. Not some creative endeavor. Actually, we tend to make fun of places that have that type of feel to them. Boulder? How many people call it the "People's Republic of Boulder?" They do that because most of the world doesn't spend their time dreaming. I do.

So in my illogical mind, I escape to dream a little. I don't know where it will take me and I'm still afraid that I don't have the cajones (balls for all you non-Spanglish speakers). I do still crave the creative environment that I took for granted. Oh and how I miss the ocean.

I spent the day at the beach with the Delgados. God bless them for being moody mofos but I guess that's what happens when you know people so long that you can just be however. I can't believe they have teenage children now. We (the 2 eldest 17 & 15) and I spent time in the surf. It was a hoot to hear the language flow. Of course I didn't tell their mom. I'm not THAT kinda friend. (although I guess I have now since she reads this!) The power of the ocean though is amazing and the tide was rising as we rode the flow of the water and jumped as high as we could. Sometimes I did get taken out by the ocean.

But now I'm back. With some fresh perspective that is still struggling, still trying to figure out the next move and still trying to balance being a new mom to a little boy that is about to turn 6 but is really about 3. I guess in the end running and disappearing never gets you very far. You always come back to the same place - your brain.