Precious Life

I reminded today that indeed life is precious. we don't know when something will happen to us or when someone will be taken from us. it's scary. i don't believe that God takes us in His own time. there are too many holes in that theory for me. but i do wonder why things happen the way they do.

This morning I was woken to a phone call that my grandma is sick. She is throwing up and has diarrhea. She needs to go to the doctor. I bitch but make an appointment and get her to the doctor. We go to the doctor and they want to admit her just to rehydrate her. We go into the ER and the next thing I know they are putting a central line into her neck. Then the ER doctor says her white blood count is twice what it should be and she is septic. She is very, very, very sick. She will be in the hospital for 3-5-7 days. They don't know. And that's the crux isn't it. You never do know.

My grandma and I were both reminded of a Tuesday two years ago in May when my uncle Jr went to the doctor, not feeling well. He was admitted into the ER. They found a mass. They found it was cancer. They found it was small cell lung cancer. They found that the prognosis was very very bad. Chemo would only quicken the end of his life. But what can you do. You have to fight. He died 2 weeks later.

So then I worry that I'm reliving this all over again. I wanted reassurances from the doctors but all I got was she is very, very sick and she needs to get the pneumonia under control and react to the antibiotics without losing blood pressure. The next day will be critical. But then the ICU PA is better. Grandma is reacting to the hydration, her central blood pressure is good. She was reassuring.

You never know what will happen on some idle weekday. We worry about the big things. The stupid things. And yet it is the things that hit you when you least expect it that knock you on your ass. You don't worry about them. Further proof that we shouldn't worry. There isn't a plan. Go with the moment and you'll be ok.

Prayers for my grandma these next few days. Amen.

Update: My grandma is home now. It turns out she did not have sepsis, just severe pneumonia. Whew! She is recovering nicely and back to her lovely well.... um.... feisty self.