I'm ok. You're ok.

I read a lot. books, magazines, blogs, newspapers, the list is never ending. but out of all of them blogs amaze me the most. some blogs are on  a surface level. they reveal what we want them to reveal. some blogs are all fantasy and i wonder how often that person is lost in reality. some of them reveal the things we all feel and think but in complete anonymity. and I guess some of them are like mine. we all have our own way to communicate.

in my endless search for entertainment this fine Saturday I came across two sites that fascinate me. One of them I have known before but I forget to follow with any regularity. It's called PostSecrets. Perhaps I'm late to the boat. But the site fascinates me. Random people send in post cards that are then posted to the universe.

[caption id="attachment_666" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="It reads, "I am so scared that I will never again be the person I was before I got sick. I miss her""][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_668" align="aligncenter" width="193" caption="It reads, " Today I discovered that happiness is not something we find, it's something we create. This is my first step towards recovery.""][/caption]

The other was the Anonymous Diary Project, which allows people to post diary entries. Topics are every where from rape to drug addiction to deep dark things that they would never tell any one in their whole entire lives.

As is typical each got me thinking, why do we hide our fears, dreams, hopes, insecurities, horribleness from the world? We don't want our friends to know we are really not that cool and we like to eat cheetos in the nude and rub the orange stuff on our bare chests. (I'm not saying I do but trust me SOME body does!) Even worse, we don't want our friends to know that our life is laying in crumbles around our feet.

Instead we choose to write or design a post card or do something to tell someone the things that we are most scared of. Then we anonymously post it to the world and get understanding that way. I don't tell people the majority of time if I'm drowning. We don't share the things that matter and that makes me sad. It's this giant hoax that the entire world is on. the whole "i'm ok. you're ok." concept. but you know what, if I'm not ok you can be ok. it's like the epitome of co-dependency.

ah yes, co-dependency, the hallmark card of the ACOA (adult child of an alcoholic, for those not in the know). maybe that's why we do things anonymously. Because we know that if we tell someone, "hey i'm not ok." chances are they will then try to fix you or be upset that you are upset so then you start worrying about them being ok and you can't make them ok so then you feel even worse. oh god. that's why people do it isn't it. that's why I do it isn't it? that whole "i'm ok, you're ok" thing just sucked.

for the record, I'm ok.