Thoughts & Words.

I search for what to think. I search for what to feel. I search for a way to make it stop. But the searching just makes it worse.



Being who am I seems like such a lonely prospect. Because how do you move forward in being who you are when everyone already loves you for what you are not? Is it more important to be loved and lonely or to be hated and happy?



Sigh. I spent weeks discussing this with a therapist when I was 25 and about to graduate from college. But the fact is, I am just as afraid to succeed as I am to fail. If I don't try then I don't risk either. 13 years later and I guess it's safe to say that I decided not to try. My back against the wall, the demons lunging at me, then I decide. Thankfully I think I've made some good decisions but but but but I haven't. I made the easy route decision. How do I move forward without waiting until the demons come chopping?



That something is to find a way to move forward without hurting anyone. Change hurts.

Indeed.